Dear Miss Manners: I’ve been in a bridge club for more than 10 years. We have 12 members, and we get together about once a month.
Before the last couple of years, the host provided dinner and drinks. It was great! You had a night off and enjoyed someone else’s hospitality and cooking. When it was your turn to host, you repaid the favor.
But now it has become more of a potluck evening. The problem is that the same few people always seem to be bringing the pots! I often bring an enticing, creative dish, only to have someone else bring a bottle of sparkling water or nothing at all.
Is there a way to even the workload among us without pointing fingers or hurting feelings?
If you have mastered bridge scoring, solving this problem should be easy, as it uses the same skills.
Miss Manners herself prefers the simplicity of a host fulfilling the hostly obligations. But she recognizes that a game night is less formal, and that your club may prefer a more even workload. (Potluck is something of a misnomer; what you describe is a cooperative meal.)
It is time for a new scorecard, this one showing people, months and courses: main course, appetizers, desserts. The underlying principle — that the workload should be distributed — is so evidently fair that when you propose it, the cheaters are unlikely to object. You may even be congratulated for simplifying everyone’s lives.
Dear Miss Manners: I have a huge stack of tomato cages (30 or 40) that I offered to my neighbor, free, four months ago. He said he wants them. He has not come and gotten them.
Since the first offer, I have spoken to him twice, kindly, to ask if he still wants them. I have even offered to deliver them.
He said he wants them, but A. he has to consult his wife; B. he has to consult his wife’s brother; and C. he doesn’t have anywhere to put them.
I want them gone, and could pursue other means of getting rid of them, but don’t want to upset him. When am I free to go on and dispose of them by other means? Keeping my neighbors happy with me is very important, but so is my limited space!
Although she is curious why the wife’s brother has a vote, Miss Manners reminds herself, and you, that it does not really matter. Give your neighbor an explicit deadline by which you have to have them out of your house. After four months, that could be as soon as two weeks.
When the neighbor asks why it has to be two weeks, do not improvise an answer, particularly one that is complex or can be proven untrue; it will only invite negotiation. “I promised my husband/wife” is simple, you can stick to it — and it will be true so long as you remember to make the promise before talking to the neighbor.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
2021, by Judith Martin
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Miss Manners: Monthly bridge club potluck is a heavy lift for some - The Washington Post
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